Going to the gym is weird. Its this open room where you and a group of near strangers come to find out things about your endurance, your stamina, and your physical limitations. The gym I go to is a casual gym, a starter gym — their free weight area is small, most of the machines top out easily. But I’m not ready to join a bodybuilder/meathead gym and my membership allows me to bring the squishy with me on weekends. It meets my current needs.
I tried to follow Navy Seal Jesse Goggins‘ advice today and “do something every day that sucks” and make a run at my latest cardio goal: treadmill running, at a certain speed and elevation, increasing the length of time each session. I made it halfway to my goal and got way deep in my head, the sort of brain echo that says “ooo that ankle doesn’t feel good, what if you injure yourself, what if you already injured it, what if what if what if” until you either overpower it or give in, and tonight I gave in.
As soon as I did I remembered that exercise is, essentially, controlled injury leading to hypertrophy of muscles and the strengthening of your cardiovascular apparatus. But my win for the night if that I showed up, I failed, I moved on to the weight machines and gave my legs a little grief. I remember how motivating the desire to not “fall out” on group runs was when I was in the Navy, how I always judged people who slowed down and stopped, claiming they couldn’t go on, because every centimeter of my living body was screaming at me to stop and I was focusing on my breathing and trying to keep up. I will remember a particular stretch of concrete that led back to the clinic for the rest of my life, how doggedly I pounded that pavement and always found a few remaining ounces of strength for a burst of energy to carry me home.
What glory days those were. I miss them. Now I have a gym membership, and a routine, a job that I have and a job that I want, and a desire to expand my life to the wide spaces it once occupied. That’s why I’ve been trying to get back into the habit of writing nightly, to be reflective about my life and build strategies to elevate it.
W♥YCG 