Very very

It has been two weeks without chewing tobacco and a few days since I last used a nicotine patch. My physical cravings are retreating, but having removed a powerful coping mechanism that I’ve had since puberty has forced me to deal with things. When I start to feel frustration I have a sparse tool kit to turn to. Exercise helps, but that’s at the end of the night. That said, I’m glad I’m going through this. I’d highly recommend quitting a comforting addiction to learn where your emotional black ice is.

Revelation: This is why people quit smoking, start yoga, go on a cleanse, and clean out their closet all at the same time — once you remove one buttress the rest of the shit show starts to teeter. Like, I have to exercise, because I have to have a way of physically rewarding myself and wringing stress from my body. I have to pack a lunch each day because I’ll overeat if I don’t have my meals portioned in advance, and I have to get enough sleep or I can’t wake up in time to pack a gym bag and a lunch. I suppose I’ll start meditating.

Wonderful successes! I can put on socks much easier since I started stretching at the end of my work outs and my soreness the next day is mitigated with a protein shake. Although gaining 40 lbs and not exercising for 6 months has made me less of a PT stud, I still know how to follow an exercise regimen and expand on it. Today I worked on my glutes — did some fire hydrants, some glute bridges, lunges, squats — and tomorrow I’ll hopefully be too sore to do anything but biceps.

My beloved has started a youtube channel for Let’s Plays and I occasionally appear in his streams. He’s a superlative human being, even if he prounounces minutia “min you tie ay” and one day we’ll be so internet power couple you’ll remember fondly how you were there from the beginning; if either of us could fucking stick to a schedule or not be smothered by our inner critic.

Anyway, Drag Race All Stars is batshit bonkers right now, I haven’t finished a book in weeks, and you might like this podcast with a Buddhist monk. He’s very very.